Little Scholars Workshop

1. Identify the Core Message

Every compliment conveys a core message about the child and their behavior. Start by identifying what you’re attempting to communicate. 

Questions for a Stronger Reflection:

– What specific behavior or quality am I praising?

– What outcome am I hoping to reinforce with this compliment?

2. Evaluate the Possible Impact

Think about how the child might interpret the compliment. While your intention is positive, it’s important to consider their perspective and the implications of your words.

Questions for a Stronger Reflection:

– Does this compliment put pressure on my child to maintain this behavior in the future?

– Could it inadvertently suggest that their worth is tied to performance or external validation?

– How might this shape their self-perception as they grow older?

3. Focus on Effort, Process, or Kindness

Compliments that emphasize effort, process, or character are generally more empowering. They encourage growth and resilience rather than a fixed identity. 

Questions for a Stronger Reflection:

– Does this compliment highlight the process or effort my child put in rather than just the outcome?

– Are there elements of diverse qualities (creativity, kindness, etc.) that I can focus on instead of just a single attribute?

4. Promote Independence and Self-Discovery

Ensure that your compliment fosters independence, encouraging the child to think positively about their abilities without relying on external validation.

Questions to Assess:

– Does this compliment encourage my child to explore their interests and take risks?

– Am I giving room for my child to express their own thoughts, ideas, and feelings in response to my praise?

5. Encourage Open Dialogue

After complimenting, facilitating conversation allows children to express how they feel about the praise and helps to clarify values.

Questions to Create Dialogue:

– How did my child respond to the compliment? Did they seem happy, pressured, or indifferent?

– Can I encourage my child to share their feelings about the behavior or trait I praised? What can I learn about their self-perception from this?

6. Adjust Praise Based on Your Child’s Personality

Every child is unique, and not all compliments will resonate the same way. Tailor your approach based on your child’s temperament and sensitivity.

Questions to Personalize:

– How does my child typically respond to compliments? Are they more anxious or more confident when they receive praise?

– Can I observe situations where they thrive or feel uncomfortable? How can I align my compliments with these observations?

Compliments That Empower vs. Compliments That Hinder

1. Common Compliment: “You’re so smart!”

Why it can hurt: This compliment can pressure children to always excel academically, leading them to avoid taking risks for fear of failure.

Empowering Alternative: “I love how hard you try and the effort you put into your work.”

Questions to Reflect On:

– How does your child react to being called “smart”? Do they feel pressure to maintain that label?

– Have you noticed if they avoid challenges because they’re scared of not being seen as smart?

2. Common Compliment: “You’re the best at this game!”

Why it can hurt: This praise can create a competitive mindset, encouraging children to measure their worth through success and comparison rather than enjoyment.

Empowering Alternative: “I love how much fun you’re having and how you play with others.”

Questions to Reflect On:

– Does your child seem to focus on winning rather than having fun? 

– Are they more upset about losing than they are happy about playing with friends?

Application to Any Praise

By using this framework, parents can analyze any compliment they are considering for their child. Here’s how it could look in practice with a random compliment:

Example Compliment: “You did such an amazing job on this drawing!”

1. Identify the Core Message: I’m praising the quality of the drawing.

2. Evaluate the Possible Impact: Is my child going to feel pressured to produce amazing artwork every time?

3. Focus on Effort, Process, or Kindness: What specific aspects of their effort can I praise? (e.g., “I love how you mixed the colors!”)

4. Promote Independence and Self-Discovery: Does this encourage them to keep experimenting with their art?

5. Encourage Open Dialogue: “What do you like most about what you created?” 

6. Adjust Praise Based on Your Child’s Personality: If they seem to feel pressure, perhaps focus on enjoyment rather than skill.

By embracing this approach, parents can reveal the depth of their compliments, turning them into meaningful affirmations that nurture their children’s self-perception and independence. Remember, each child is unique, so taking the time to connect with them and understand their individual responses creates a loving environment where they can truly thrive. By weaving this thoughtful practice into your daily interactions, you’ll not only encourage their growth and resilience but also strengthen the precious bond you share. Here’s to celebrating your little ones with heartfelt praise!