Remember, it’s developmentally appropriate for your child to say “no” as they learn new words and slowly come into their autonomy. It’s perfectly healthy and normal, and there will be situations where you’ll want your child to assert themselves by saying “no.”
However, what about circumstances involving safety, rules, or simple requests?
Toddlers lack critical thinking skills and reasoning, so when you implement a rule or give a direction, their thoughts tend to focus on the behaviors they wish to continue. Until the ages of 6 or 7, it’s normal for children to have more self-centered thoughts and behaviors. Success in changing these behaviors usually won’t come from logic or explanations, especially when they are dysregulated.
Once your child is calm, it’s important to be within arm’s reach and make direct statements. Use phrases like “the couch is for sitting” or “pajamas are for nighttime,” rather than “it’s not safe to jump on the couch” or “because I said so.” Commands can feel like a loss of control for a child, and logic doesn’t effectively process in their frontal cortex until around ages 7 to 8. Offering alternatives can help deter negative behaviors and tantrums.
Repeating unwanted behaviors
If you feel it’s acceptable, you can offer alternatives, such as “if you would like, you can jump on the floor.” If they continue with the unwanted behaviors, you do not need to repeat yourself. Simply pick them up and remove them from the situation. Repeating yourself and over-explaining can lead to power struggles between their desires and your boundaries.
When setting boundaries, direct statements can feel more like choices to a toddler’s brain, helping to minimize meltdowns. When meltdowns do occur, it’s vital to stick to the boundaries you’ve set. By staying consistent with this framework, your child will build trust in what they can expect from both you and themselves.
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